A Friend Only Ever Wants to Talk On Her Own Life: Should I End the Friendship?

We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she's constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband left her, which came as a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made more effort in our friendship, likely understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, although she was highly competent, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing time together, yet I realize my position in our friendship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home for some time. I attempted to provide personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her plans. I've just returned from a month there she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly grasp the impact of her actions on my confidence. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question how you are both can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

Key Takeaways

This person might reject all you say, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't let go of because their very survival relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult as there is no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present this way and then think on your words. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it provides peace that you've been truthful.